Last night, she came through to our bedroom as she does every night. Except this time she didn't go to Daddy, she came to me. She insisted on lying cuddled on my side with me. Though I only had about 20cm to myself (the rest was taken up by baby and husband) we cuddled. And as she was lying, clinging to my neck, nestled into my side like a puzzle piece, and I was holding tightly to her waist, I remembered.
I remembered the teeny baby that I cradled on my chest night after night.
The teeny little baby girl who wailed until pacified at my breast.
The little girl, taking her first steps towards me, the toothless grin saying "look at me: I'm so BIG!"
I remembered the nights we cuddled together in the 'big bed', her nestled into my folds, with her little arm around my neck.
It is so easy to forget the little baby and only see the big, stubborn (don't know where that comes from), strong-willed, independent little girl who 'will do it by MYseeeelf".
But it is good to remember when she needed me so completely, so wholeheartedly. It softens the way I see her. Softens the way I talk to her. Makes my heart SMOOSH.
Because last night? Last night my big baby girl wanted ME.