Five Minute Friday: Mess

I try to join the community of women who write every Friday, but tend to miss out. This week I had to. To write... 5 minutes, no stopping, no editing... 

MESS

I feel like I live my life surrounded by mess. A deafening cacophony of voices and stuff and toys and " mommy, mommy" and to-do lists and groceries needing buying or packing away and bath toys left out and clothes that need folding or ironing or washing...
Stop
Focus on the reason for the mess. Focus on the four little hands playing with the toys... They won't be little and pudgy and clumsy for long. Focus on the family you are surrounded by, the people you cook for, bake for, nourish. The mess is there, for sure. But beyond the mess of crayons, paper, Lego, dolls clothes and mermaid dolls are two beautiful souls. Beyond the lists and food and groceries is a loving, caring man who only has eyes for me, whose hands know where the mess of knots in my back are. Beyond the busy mess of life is a Daddy who quietly loves me into calmness and focus and who reminds me that the mess? It isn't a mess. It is evidence. Of love. 

Five Minute Friday: JOY

I haven't written in a while. Haven't really had the time, but today, on this beautiful public holiday, I HAD to share in 5 minute Friday. So here goes... Writing for five minutes, no stopping, no editing, no going back...

Go

JOY

I watch them, seeing how they grow.
and play.
and discover.
I hold them tight to me, hoping beyond hope that they would not grow anymore, that time would stand still and allow me to keep them in stasis, in a place where every minute for them is one of happiness.
Every new discovery.
Every new book read, movie watched.
Every minute spent with us, drawing, playing. Every minute is FUN and happy.

I don't want them ever to grow up and feel sadness. Or the pain of losing someone. Or the hurt that comes from unrequited love.

But in the same breath I know that they will grow.
They will have all these wonderful experiences and some not so wonderful ones which form them into the person they are destined to be, and ultimately they will meet someone one day that takes them from us and start their own little family... 
And also look at their children with deep, strong love and unfathomable joy. Just as we look at them.

Parenting has a depth of joy that you could not know until you experience it for yourself. I finally understand my Father dancing over what He had made...

STOP

She wanted ME

Last night, she came through to our bedroom as she does every night. Except this time she didn't go to Daddy, she came to me. She insisted on lying cuddled on my side with me. Though I only had about 20cm to myself (the rest was taken up by baby and husband) we cuddled. And as she was lying, clinging to my neck, nestled into my side like a puzzle piece, and I was holding tightly to her waist, I remembered. 

I remembered the teeny baby that I cradled on my chest night after night.
The teeny little baby girl who wailed until pacified at my breast. 
The little girl, taking her first steps towards me, the toothless grin saying "look at me: I'm so BIG!" 
I remembered the nights we cuddled together in the 'big bed', her nestled into my folds, with her little arm around my neck. 

It is so easy to forget the little baby and only see the big, stubborn (don't know where that comes from), strong-willed, independent little girl who 'will do it by MYseeeelf". 
But it is good to remember when she needed me so completely, so wholeheartedly. It softens the way I see her. Softens the way I talk to her. Makes my heart SMOOSH.
Because last night? Last night my big baby girl wanted ME.

5 Minute Friday: Encouragement

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

Every Friday I try to take part in Lisa-Jo Baker's five minute Friday.

We get together to write about a prompt given. This week's prompt is 

Encouragement…

GO

A man builds a house with bricks and mortar. Brick for brick he creates something out of nothing. He creates a home. A secure place where a person or family can grow without fear.
Just as he builds, so do we, as mothers, as teachers, as women, as people. Our words affect those around us in either a positive way or a negative way. 

I see the results of my words every day reflected in the faces of my 22 babies... the 22 little people who have been entrusted to my care and my tutelage by their parents. I see the hurt on their faces when my words are less than they should be, and I see the glow of pride or joy when the words are what they need to hear. So often it is easy to use my words as weapons instead of encouragement. To speak to their weakness instead of to their strengths. 






 
This is my daily challenge. To be a builder in their lives. Building a strong home where they can feel secure and confident in their skins, instead of fearful and nervous to speak. To bite back the harsh words and rephrase any criticism into something they can build on and grow from.
Words are so important. I need to count mine carefully.

STOP 

Too fast

Am I the only one who wishes life would calm down to a walk instead of the headlong rush it seems to be in? When I say this I mean it in so many different ways. 

When I look in the mirror I see an older (yes, wiser, for sure) me that doesn't seem to correlate with the photos taken just 6 short years ago on my wedding. The fine lines around the eyes were less, the skin was a lot smoother... 

When Dylan comes home and I look at my Sweetheart and see the frown lines caused by worries about work and money; the bags under his eyes from late nights spent at the computer; the (VERY few and far between) grey hairs I pluck from his head.

When Jessica asks me a question using words and phrases I didn't know she knew. Where just yesterday, I swear, she was starting to say "Mama". Now I wonder where the 'off-switch' is sometimes. And now I have to apply for pre-school, and all the worries and stresses that go with having such an independent little Miss.

When Nathan disappears from where I put him down. He is only 6 months old. I am NOT ready for him to be crawling! 


 


When I look at my mother. And see that she is unable to do all the things she used to. That though she still professes that everything is hunky-dory, she groans at the ever present back-ache, and can't crawl around on the floor with my children anymore without battling to get up.

 

We all grow older at an alarming rate, and though we are aware that it happens, we aren't aware of it happening, until we take the time to take stock of those around us, and see ourselves as we are, not as we were.

Another scary reminder of time flying is all the missed opportunities:  
This year I am going to do THIS...
Oh! We have to go THERE!
We should really read that... 
see that... 
eat there... 
and before you know it, all good intentions are pushed aside in the humdrum of life and it is months later without any one of those happening. 
We get so caught up in routine. In things we MUST do, that we forget to be in the moment, living, loving those around us, appreciating the fact that we are alive NOW, instead of looking back in 6 years time and wondering what happened...

So, though it is 15 days late (see????) I have decided to make a New Year's Resolution. Or no: a Life's resolution. To stop worrying about the past. Or the future. Stop thinking about what could have been. Stop stressing about what "could happen if..."

Instead, I am going to try live each moment IN the moment. And appreciate it, and the people God has given me, with every fibre of my being. Before it is too late and I look back again and wonder "what happened?"

Who's with me?

Five minute Friday: SEE

I've been away for a while, enjoying the Christmas holidays, scrapping, seeing friends, catching up on series and spending quality time with family... but I have missed writing. I have missed putting my thoughts down on paper, writing about my feelings, using words to paint a picture instead of paint, canvas and crayon...
I go back to work on Monday, back to routine and the grindstone. I'm looking forward to it, but also dreading what it would bring. I have only spent 3 weeks away from my baby boy, will he be o.k.? Will I? How will the change affect us and our relationship. Too many things to dwell on, so this week's FMF came as though it was sent, and I strongly suspect it was! 
Here goes. 

5 Minute Friday
Write for 5 minutes flat on a topic, no editing, no backtracking. 
Today's topic: 

SEE

GO

When you look at me, what do you see? Do you see a tallish, mousey woman. A mother of 2, a wife, a daughter and a teacher? Do you see the laughter lines around my eyes and on the bridge of my nose? Do you see the stretch marks that bear witness to a struggle with weight in high school? Do you see the furtive glances I give around before I express my mind? Do you see the insecurity lurking behind the pseudo confidence? Do you see the artist. The poet. The sensitive soul who likes to pretend she is stronger than she is? Do you see the real me?


He sees. And He accepts. And He carries me through those insecure moments. He holds me when things aren't the way I hope. He whispers 'You are perfect'. He shows me that the marks left by pregnancy and growth are beautiful. And many times He shows me through the words of those around me. Through the words of women much wiser, much smarter, much closer to Him than I. 

And those whispers and those words? They help me see. See who I have grown to become. See who I really am. They help me grow to accept it. 
And I am grateful. 

STOP

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.. - See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2014/01/five-minute-friday-see/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29#sthash.4QSjDcNA.dpuf

Now, set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2014/01/five-minute-friday-see/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29#sthash.4QSjDcNA.dpuf

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.. - See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2014/01/five-minute-friday-see/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29#sthash.4QSjDcNA.dpuf

Now, set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2014/01/five-minute-friday-see/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29#sthash.4QSjDcNA.dpuf

Reflect (5 minute Friday)

Today our nation lost a father. 

I may not be black, or speak the language of the people, but my heart mourns. 
I may not have struggled for freedom in Apartheid, because I happened to be born to a white family, but my blood runs African and today it has flowed sluggish in my veins, saddened by the fact that he is forever gone. 

But amidst the sorrow, with my people, I celebrate. 

As I reflect on the life this great man, this tata, this leader, lived.... as I look upon a life that spanned many decades of want and sorrow and hardship and fight... as I see the greatness of a nation brought forth through his hands, I celebrate. 
Celebrate the man that was. 
Celebrate the wars he won. 
Celebrate that the soil he walked, I walk. 
Celebrate that I was able to see the difference one man can make... The difference a wise man can make... The difference a wise man can make when he refuses to stand for injustice... when he looks upon those who hurt him with grace and mercy instead of anger and revenge. When he learns the language and customs of his 'enemies' so as best to understand them. And when he makes those enemies his friends...

When I reflect upon the life he lived and the changes he wrought, I feel empowered. 
I feel empowered to make a difference in MY community. I may not change the world, but I can change those around me through doing as he did, and loving them. Through forgiveness, mercy and grace. 
This man was a great man. And his legacy has the potential to change the world in an even greater way than it already has. If we only see that his words have power. If we only see that his wisdom was pure and right. If we only forget the pain and anger and bitterness and move forward. If we remember... and celebrate... together.

 Hamba gahle tata Madiba. Rest well. May we, your children, make you proud.

A strong connection

I walk into the bedroom and it's quiet. He's sitting in the rocking chair next to her bed and she's asleep. But she's on the edge of the bed. As close as she can get to the chair. And her arm is outstretched with her hand on his knee. She has to touch him. She has to know he is there before she can drift off into sleep. And my heart swells, tears rush to my eyes as I marvel at the connection between father and daughter.

Most nights I can hear her telling him everything she can think to tell, just so that he has to stay with her and listen, just so that she can delay the inevitable bedtime. She 'reads' him a story, sings him song after song.Tells him stories about her dolls, her friends, her day, before she inevitably drifts off in mid sentence.
Some nights she cries. Calls for her daddy and he goes to her. Without hesitation. A real daddy's girl, that one. And while he is there he often falls asleep and she wakes with him still there. He tells me he opens his eyes to a big toothy smile and kisses. One on each cheek, one on the forehead, before she takes his face in her hands and gives him a sloppy kiss on the lips. Good morning happiness to find her daddy still with her.

Is that not how it should be for us and our father? Should we not ache to know he is there before we are secure enough to drift into sleep? In fact should we not want  to spend our last waking moment reaching out and touching him and wanting to get as close to him as we can?  Should we not want to pour out our words to keep the connection with him? Tell him of our day, of our fears, our needs, our dreams... sing him songs, tell him stories, share ourselves with him. And when we fear, when we call out to him in distress, does he not come immediately? Come to console, to love?
And that is how we should awaken. With a song on our lips for our father. A kiss just for him. Joy at the realisation that he is there with us, having never left us. 

My daughter teaches me lessons day after day. The learning never stops. And day after day I realise how strong that bond is. How beautiful the bond is. How deep the connection is with her hero. 

The bond between a father and a daughter

The bond between our Father and us.

Five Minute Friday - Tree

Each Friday a group of women (and sometimes a man or two) join together for 5 minutes to write. No editing, no changes, no proof reading, just WRITE for 5 minutes. Today's topic? 

TREE

GO

A wise man once told me that having a child is like planting a tree, that our children are the seeds we are planting in the world. 
It didn't hit home until recently, when the weight of motherhood descended upon my shoulders as I realised what an awesome responsibility it is to teach a little person all they should know and do. A baby is still 'easy'... they eat, sleep, grow... but once they start talking and interacting with their world, a child becomes a sapling that needs to be bent and guided the way it should go.
And what the sapling does, and where its seeds influence, that is MY responsibility.

So, my dearest children, my Jessica, my Nathan... 

My wish for you, my hope for your future is...

That you take nourishment from the truths we try to teach you every day...

That our lessons not break you, but strengthen your resolve to be the best you can be ...

That you grow strong and tall in this world that wants to break you down...

That you lean into the winds of adversity and use them to strengthen your core, the real you, the important you...

That you put down deep, strong roots, wherever you choose to settle...

That you bear fruit... good fruit, that nourishes the world around you and sweetens the lives of those you choose to love...

That you be beautiful in your fairness, and flexible to allow others around you to grow...

And may your seeds, your 'future-trees' bless you with their strength and wisdom and grace, and may your legacy continue.

STOP

"That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; " Ephesians 3:17-18, KJV 
 



Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Psalm 1:1-3 NIV




If you want to join us on a Friday for Five Minute Friday then click on the link :)

Five Minute Friday: GRACE

Each Friday a group of women (and sometimes a man or two) join together for 5 minutes to write. No editing, no changes, no proof reading, just WRITE for 5 minutes. Today's topic? 

Grace

GO

Grace. 
Sometimes grace is not getting what we DO deserve. The punishment for things we do wrong, people we hurt, words said before we are able to stop them... grace. 
Coming from a Father so loving, so caring, so forgiving that just a breath of "I'm sorry" causes Him to forget that which we have done, forever, with no trace of it remaining. 
Gone.
Forever.
If only we loved like that... if only we were able to forget. 
And forgive. 
And have grace with each other. 

Grace in the moments where your daughter kicks you away because she wants Daddy. Grace where she shrugs your hand off her shoulder and rolls over. Grace in the moments where she pulls a face at you, or back-chats you. 
Grace. 
A moment of breathing and realising that I, too once did all those things to my mother .

Grace in the moment where a friend who is hurting so much that she wants others to feel the same pain, snaps, or says something so painful you just want to cry.
Grace
A moment where I realise that I, too, hurt sometimes and need love, not anger.

Grace. 
Where I realise I do so much worse to my Father at times...
Grace. 
Undeserved favour.

STOP

Speeching - 'Lessons from Dad'

For the evening Prizegiving, I decided to share a bit more of myself with the audience. Dad has been on my mind a lot over these last few weeks, so I decided to draw on things he had taught me. It wasn't easy to stand behind that lectern and talk about something so 'painful' and so near to my heart, but I got through. Without tears or breaking down, so I'm rather proud of myself. Afterwards I had colleagues and parents coming to me to say how much what I said had meant to them, and that made me feel like I had achieved something. I just hope that the Grade 6 s and 7s (12 and 13year olds) took something away with them as well.
Here is the speech. I have called it 

LESSONS FROM DAD

"As a parent, I watch Jessica and Nathan and I realise how much of me and my husband are in them. The way they smile, the things they say… their attitude to life. And I have so much more respect for my parents. My mom who was always there for me, my dad who worked hard, my parents who did everything they could to make sure I could achieve my dreams.

So much of who I am comes from my Dad. This year is 10 years since he passed away and I still carry the lessons he taught me with me every day. We didn’t get on very well, we argued and had many disagreements, especially when I hit my teens. My mom always had a theory that it was because we were too alike. And I’m sure many of your parents are nodding their heads because they can identify with that statement.

What I want to share with you tonight is a few things I have learnt from my father… and a few lessons of my own learnt along the way.

My Dad was always working in the garage… whether it was building things out of wood or fixing things that broke. We actually used to call him Mr Fixit. I actually spent more time out there with him, than I did in the kitchen with my mom.  And a few things I learnt out there, spending time with him were:

1. Always do whatever you start PROPERLY.

If it’s a job worth doing, do it right the first time, because then you won’t have to do it again. Whatever my Dad did, he did well. There was no ‘rush job’. If something turned out wrong, he started it again. If a toy he made didn’t work, he worked at it until it did. I actually remember one time he was fixing a radio, and though he had no electrical training, he took each wire and touched it to each point until something worked and then he moved on to the next one. We still have that radio today. In your work and in your life, always start something you are going to finish in the way you want to finish it. What I mean is, don’t leave things to the last minute and then rush through them just to get them done. Spend time. Your work reflects on YOU and on your family. And the picture you want to paint of yourself shouldn’t be one of not caring what you hand in. Assignments aren’t given to torture you, I promise. Do whatever your teachers or parents ask you and give of yourself into every one. You will reap the benefits in the future.

2. Give your BEST.

Many of you know my class motto: Good Better Best, Never let it rest, till your good is better and your better is best. Well, that was my dad’s motto. He taught it to me, and I teach it to my classes, because I believe in it. Why would anyone want to go to a doctor who just gives enough? Who would want to eat a meal that was OK. Would you want to wear clothes that were thrown together because the designer or the seamstress just wanted to get it done? Wouldn’t you want the people around you to give their best? Well then YOU have to. In everything you do. Even if your classmates or friends don’t. No teacher will moan at you if you give your best. They moan because they KNOW you can do better! They see the potential in you and are sad to see it going to waste when you don’t take care in your work or assignments. Coasting through is not acceptable. Give all you can in all you do and you can DO anything, and BE anything you set your mind to.

3. Be yourself, no matter what people think.

My Dad never apologised for who or what he was. He was a factory manager at Jack and Jill shoes for most of his life. And he was proud. Proud of what he was doing for his family. Proud of the difference he was making in his area of influence. He didn’t change who he was, or what he did for anyone, not even me. And yes, there were times where he embarrassed me with his opinions or his expectations or things he said… but he was who he was. 

Me? I am a bit of a nerd. I like to craft and scrapbook. I like to watch series like Castle and The Mentalist. I get the jokes on Big Bang Theory. I read. I play board games. I’m not fond of going out and partying, I’d rather be at home, surfing the net for new ideas for my classroom. And it’s taken me this long in my life to realise that being a nerd is OK! 

So let me help you out now, before you’re my age and only realising this: If you are someone who prefers reading to going out? You are YOU! If you are someone who would rather play games than have a party? You are YOU. If you are a person who has no interest in fashion or music, but would sit for hours and draw. Be YOU. Friends are fleeting, they will pass in and out of your life, but you are yours forever. Be proud of who you are and what you do. Love what you do, love who you are and people who matter? They will love YOU.

 

4. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

This lesson was a hard one for me to learn. My dad used to embarrass me so much when he would argue with shopkeepers about the quality they gave him. He was a bit of a perfectionist (and I guess I get that from him too) and because he worked with shoes would carefully inspect every single shoe he was thinking of buying for flaws. In fact the shoes I’m wearing at the moment would not have passed his test, because the soles are just glued on. I remember once we went to eat out and he ordered fish. He sent it back 3 times because it wasn’t prepared correctly. He would ask for discounts. At retailers! “If I pay cash will you give me a discount? If I use my credit card you’ll have to pay the fee” That’s where I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. 

But you know what? He was right. Why should you settle for less than you deserve? You are no less than those around you. You have equal rights to be treated well. And if someone doesn’t treat you the way you deserve, then maybe they aren’t someone you need to be around? 

A famous quote doing the rounds on the internet says: Why make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs?And it is SO true!

Keep people around you who make you feel worth it. Who make you feel like you can take on the world. And if there are people (or friends) who break you down and treat you badly? Cut them loose. Life is too short to settle for anything less than what is good for you.

5. Life is short.

This was the final lesson my dad taught me. He was taken away far too soon. There were still lessons for him to teach me. There were still stories for him to tell me and Jessica and Nathan, and still questions I had that needed answers. But it’s too late now. I can’t go back and change the past, but I can tell you something that is truth: 

Appreciate your parents while you have them. 

Appreciate your grandparents while they are here. 

Sit at their feet, LISTEN to them, record them, ask them questions about what they have been through and learnt. I know that at this stage you see your life stretching ahead of you and you think ‘there’s LOADS of time’. But before you know it, you will be old like me (hehe) and will be looking back and thinking “I wish I had listened to dad more” or “I wish I had spent more time with Ouma”. 

Respect family. 

Even when you feel like they don’t know what you are going through (and they DO) or when they are making you do things you don’t want to do, or saying no when you really want them to say yes. RESPECT them. Like I said before, friends come and go. Your family will be the support, the wealth of knowledge and the foundation for you to build your dreams on. Build on what they have taught you. Like I am trying to.

There may be a few things within yourself that you aren’t aware of yet, or aren’t sure how to use. Give it time, and you’ll realise that you are equipped to be the best YOU, you can be. 

Thank you"