She wanted ME

Last night, she came through to our bedroom as she does every night. Except this time she didn't go to Daddy, she came to me. She insisted on lying cuddled on my side with me. Though I only had about 20cm to myself (the rest was taken up by baby and husband) we cuddled. And as she was lying, clinging to my neck, nestled into my side like a puzzle piece, and I was holding tightly to her waist, I remembered. 

I remembered the teeny baby that I cradled on my chest night after night.
The teeny little baby girl who wailed until pacified at my breast. 
The little girl, taking her first steps towards me, the toothless grin saying "look at me: I'm so BIG!" 
I remembered the nights we cuddled together in the 'big bed', her nestled into my folds, with her little arm around my neck. 

It is so easy to forget the little baby and only see the big, stubborn (don't know where that comes from), strong-willed, independent little girl who 'will do it by MYseeeelf". 
But it is good to remember when she needed me so completely, so wholeheartedly. It softens the way I see her. Softens the way I talk to her. Makes my heart SMOOSH.
Because last night? Last night my big baby girl wanted ME.

5 Minute Friday: Encouragement

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

Every Friday I try to take part in Lisa-Jo Baker's five minute Friday.

We get together to write about a prompt given. This week's prompt is 

Encouragement…

GO

A man builds a house with bricks and mortar. Brick for brick he creates something out of nothing. He creates a home. A secure place where a person or family can grow without fear.
Just as he builds, so do we, as mothers, as teachers, as women, as people. Our words affect those around us in either a positive way or a negative way. 

I see the results of my words every day reflected in the faces of my 22 babies... the 22 little people who have been entrusted to my care and my tutelage by their parents. I see the hurt on their faces when my words are less than they should be, and I see the glow of pride or joy when the words are what they need to hear. So often it is easy to use my words as weapons instead of encouragement. To speak to their weakness instead of to their strengths. 






 
This is my daily challenge. To be a builder in their lives. Building a strong home where they can feel secure and confident in their skins, instead of fearful and nervous to speak. To bite back the harsh words and rephrase any criticism into something they can build on and grow from.
Words are so important. I need to count mine carefully.

STOP 

Too fast

Am I the only one who wishes life would calm down to a walk instead of the headlong rush it seems to be in? When I say this I mean it in so many different ways. 

When I look in the mirror I see an older (yes, wiser, for sure) me that doesn't seem to correlate with the photos taken just 6 short years ago on my wedding. The fine lines around the eyes were less, the skin was a lot smoother... 

When Dylan comes home and I look at my Sweetheart and see the frown lines caused by worries about work and money; the bags under his eyes from late nights spent at the computer; the (VERY few and far between) grey hairs I pluck from his head.

When Jessica asks me a question using words and phrases I didn't know she knew. Where just yesterday, I swear, she was starting to say "Mama". Now I wonder where the 'off-switch' is sometimes. And now I have to apply for pre-school, and all the worries and stresses that go with having such an independent little Miss.

When Nathan disappears from where I put him down. He is only 6 months old. I am NOT ready for him to be crawling! 


 


When I look at my mother. And see that she is unable to do all the things she used to. That though she still professes that everything is hunky-dory, she groans at the ever present back-ache, and can't crawl around on the floor with my children anymore without battling to get up.

 

We all grow older at an alarming rate, and though we are aware that it happens, we aren't aware of it happening, until we take the time to take stock of those around us, and see ourselves as we are, not as we were.

Another scary reminder of time flying is all the missed opportunities:  
This year I am going to do THIS...
Oh! We have to go THERE!
We should really read that... 
see that... 
eat there... 
and before you know it, all good intentions are pushed aside in the humdrum of life and it is months later without any one of those happening. 
We get so caught up in routine. In things we MUST do, that we forget to be in the moment, living, loving those around us, appreciating the fact that we are alive NOW, instead of looking back in 6 years time and wondering what happened...

So, though it is 15 days late (see????) I have decided to make a New Year's Resolution. Or no: a Life's resolution. To stop worrying about the past. Or the future. Stop thinking about what could have been. Stop stressing about what "could happen if..."

Instead, I am going to try live each moment IN the moment. And appreciate it, and the people God has given me, with every fibre of my being. Before it is too late and I look back again and wonder "what happened?"

Who's with me?

Five minute Friday: SEE

I've been away for a while, enjoying the Christmas holidays, scrapping, seeing friends, catching up on series and spending quality time with family... but I have missed writing. I have missed putting my thoughts down on paper, writing about my feelings, using words to paint a picture instead of paint, canvas and crayon...
I go back to work on Monday, back to routine and the grindstone. I'm looking forward to it, but also dreading what it would bring. I have only spent 3 weeks away from my baby boy, will he be o.k.? Will I? How will the change affect us and our relationship. Too many things to dwell on, so this week's FMF came as though it was sent, and I strongly suspect it was! 
Here goes. 

5 Minute Friday
Write for 5 minutes flat on a topic, no editing, no backtracking. 
Today's topic: 

SEE

GO

When you look at me, what do you see? Do you see a tallish, mousey woman. A mother of 2, a wife, a daughter and a teacher? Do you see the laughter lines around my eyes and on the bridge of my nose? Do you see the stretch marks that bear witness to a struggle with weight in high school? Do you see the furtive glances I give around before I express my mind? Do you see the insecurity lurking behind the pseudo confidence? Do you see the artist. The poet. The sensitive soul who likes to pretend she is stronger than she is? Do you see the real me?


He sees. And He accepts. And He carries me through those insecure moments. He holds me when things aren't the way I hope. He whispers 'You are perfect'. He shows me that the marks left by pregnancy and growth are beautiful. And many times He shows me through the words of those around me. Through the words of women much wiser, much smarter, much closer to Him than I. 

And those whispers and those words? They help me see. See who I have grown to become. See who I really am. They help me grow to accept it. 
And I am grateful. 

STOP

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.. - See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2014/01/five-minute-friday-see/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29#sthash.4QSjDcNA.dpuf

Now, set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2014/01/five-minute-friday-see/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29#sthash.4QSjDcNA.dpuf

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.. - See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2014/01/five-minute-friday-see/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29#sthash.4QSjDcNA.dpuf

Now, set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2014/01/five-minute-friday-see/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29#sthash.4QSjDcNA.dpuf